I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dick very happy bro
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
