Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
