Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
