i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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