i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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