You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
