the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
