You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
