i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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