I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
