she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need moral support for this bender
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize