i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
