I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
