And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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