Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
