I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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