im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
