I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
