i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
