i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
