you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
