nut hugger
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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