Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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