checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
