the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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