i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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