just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we should paint friendship bongs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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