i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
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