Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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