I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
