Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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