Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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