Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
