Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
