Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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