i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
