i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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