I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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