At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
