So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
