i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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