And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
