he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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