Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
