He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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