man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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