I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
