remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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