Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
