Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize