Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
