non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
