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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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