I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
