so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
