No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
