In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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