I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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