you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
