i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
