I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
