I'm gonna have a badass scar
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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