I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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