I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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