I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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