his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize