you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
