So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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