she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
