I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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