Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
