Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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