fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
