Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize