the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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