u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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