i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize