just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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