If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
