Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize