I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
