My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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