I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
being pregnant is like rehab
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
