My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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