As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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