At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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