somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize