Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
