I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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