Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
