There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can i not drive my cunt home
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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